A Man That Never Would
by Isender
Summary: There are many things that should happen and even more things that shouldn’t. I know this more than anyone. “This is impossible.” She whispered in my ear as I held her in my embrace tighter than I ever had before. "I never should have left you Rose." R
1. Chapter 1

I understand a lot of things. I'm smart like that. But sometimes I don't understand why sad things happen. Why do I always lose the things I love the most?

I thought of the pain the loss caused within me. The sight of Gallifrey burning in the havoc I caused. Rose kissing a man that wasn't quite the person she loved. But he was the best I could ever give her. Donna's memories burning, Darvos himself, burning and everything always is burning. I sighed. Why must I always question things? What is up with my desire to always understand? Especially when I question things those are irreversible. The time lock around Gallifrey permitted me to never ever see it again. Why couldn't I be selfish? Taken Rose for myself. My human hybrid counterpart be damned, I'd take her to the stars and back before he realised it was me she loved. If only Gallifrey wasn't gone I could travel the alternate universes and pick my Rose from the garden.

Suddenly an idea so ridiculous, unfathomable and frightening formed in my complex head. Dalek Caan went into the Time War and dragged Darvos out. He broke the Time Lock, he must of or otherwise he never would have survived. Eurgh my head hurt from all the thoughts and ideas forming. If Caan broke the Time Lock on the Time War it meant that it is open for manipulation. I needed to close it. But that wasn't all. If the Time Lock is broken it means I can harness the science of Time Lords and fashion myself a sort of shield on the TARDIS so it can fly through any Time Area. Like the Void.

"Rose." My voice was barely a whisper. It would take weeks to build efficient equipment to close and mould the Time Lock. I would have to watch Gallifrey burn again. And then there was the blunt issue. Could I be selfish enough to take the power? Normally I wouldn't even consider benefiting myself from such a situation. I was a man who never would. But for Rose, I rationalised, it would be worth it. I would create a way to travel through alternate universes like the Time Lords used to. I could never stop Gallifrey from burning but I could use the planet's inevitable destruction to propel the TARDIS through the Void and by manipulating the Time Lock I wouldn't destroy the fabric between the universes. It all worked out. I could be happy.

All thoughts of my human hybrid counterpart gone from my mind, I thought only of Rose and how her face would look when I told her I loved her for the first time.


	2. Chapter 2

Life goes on no matter the agony. I learnt that from him. A man gripped my hand like a life line. He was bearing the agony of two people. Because they both loved me. But only one got to keep me while the other took off for a life more adventurous. But who did I love? It was a rhetorical question. I knew who I loved. I loved the one flying away with a woman that should have been me. It should be me being his best friend, life long companion, the love of his life.

"Rose?" My husband Donald John Tyler woke me from my day dream. His brown hair falling onto his face, a twitch of concern set in the corners of his mouth but a sparkle in his eyes that only shines when he looks at me.

"I was day dreaming, sorry. This paper work is more than dull." I blushed and a huge grin lit up his face and he leant forward to plant a kiss on my check.

"I know how you feel. Let's get out of here yeah? Pick up a take away dinner and a movie?" He could tell I was exhausted and that I wanted a night in rather than the team drinks we were going to attend with Jake and some of the other office guys.

"Perfect." I sighed. Why couldn't I just be content with Donnie? Why torture myself by constantly wishing and day dreaming The Doctor had decided to take me with him. I was ungrateful and selfish thinking these things. Donnie was The Doctor and I loved him, I couldn't understand what my problem was. I watched him walk away and grab his things from his desk. A homemade sonic screwdriver (it wasn't perfect yet he kept on reassuring me) a banana and some paper that was very nearly physic. He grabbed his jersey and I wished more than anything it was a brown trench coat, but it wasn't. He considered getting one but decided that he was a new man, with new clothes. He looked back over at me and I stood quickly, desperately attempting to shake the thoughts of my Doctor from my head and tried to think of things about Donnie that made me happy. Our wedding, a smile twitched in my lips as I imagined the day again. He chose Donald in memory for Donna and John for his long term joke 'John Smith' but he asked me, quite early on in the engagement to become a Tyler when we were to be married. I had previously assumed I would be Rose Smith but Donnie told me how it would make him feel more separate from the Doctor if he could be a Tyler. Mum had laughed and said he must be different, the Doctor would never admit that. She had a point though. It's been nearly a year since our marriage and two since we arrived on Bad Wolf Bay for the second time. He was different. It was like he'd regenerated again but this time into a more honest, open man with the same looks as my Doctor. It was cruel, in a sense. I had to fall in love with him again but he still looked the same. I remembered seeing him at the top of the altar grinning like a mad man, Jackie standing beside him as his 'best man', Pete on my arm whispering how lucky he was to have such a beautiful daughter and that Donald was lucky to have me.

"Um, Rose?" Donnie waved the hand in front of me unintentionally disturbing me from trying to convince my love for him, yet again. I smiled a genuine smile for him. I did love him, I truly did it's just that sometimes when left to my own devices I wonder what it would be like to be back with the man I loved more than my husband. My doctor.


End file.
